The Official Unofficial Chuck Norris-ism Page
(Updated 7/13)
A rage- er, uh- page dedicated to the original Chuck Norris-isms invented by myself and friends. If you're wondering why this text is red, well, I picked it for a reason. It's also the color you see the most of after Chuck Norris lets loose with a roundhouse kick. If you think you have a Chuck Norris-ism good enough to get on my page, email it to me at [email protected]. I will either post it on my site or, if it sucks, Chuck Norris will reside in your inbox until you next check your email and then promptly and efficiently roundhouse kick you in the face.

~by Mercury0x0013~
1. Although he was quite able, Chuck Norris did not kill the dinosaurs, they were in fact eradicated by a meteor     ...which Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked to earth while he stood on the planet Pluto.
2. The UFO crashes at Roswell were not actually round alien vessels fallen to the ground. They were only the product of Chuck Norris practicing his origami skills on U.S. aircraft.
3. Scientists attribute the earthquake problem of the seismically active state of California to fault lines deep below the city's surface. Only after an eyewitness account was it known that Chuck Norris caused them after roundhouse kicking the ground in retribution for his failing garden.
4. In the background picture, Chuck Norris had indeed just had his hair styled. By laying his head down in front of a lawn tractor. And he liked it.
5. Not only can Chuck Norris have his cake and eat it too, he'll also beat you senseless and take your slice.
6. All weather phenomina can be traced back to Chuck Norris. Earthquakes... he set his feet on the floor after waking in the morning. Rain... oops, too much iced tea. Tsunamis... he went cannonballing in the river again. Thunder... he yelled after stubbing his toe. Darn that table leg anyhow! Tornadoes... hey, he has allergies, okay?
7. NASA has scrapped plans for a new rocket to be used to power the next spaceflight mission. They determined the most cost-efficient method of getting men into deep space was to tick off Chuck Norris and have him throw them there. Although much cheaper, the safety of this technique has not yet been determined.
8. What do you get when you cross breed Chuck Norris with a Doberman? ...just another Chuck Norris.
9. The sum of all fears is Chuck Norris.
10. An intelligent man once said, "the whole is greater that the sum of the parts." He failed to realize that this statement is untrue for Chuck Norris, who has parts which could kick the behind of anyone by themselves or when joined to his body.

~by Bill Freil~
1. Chuck Norris remade the movie "Gone In 60 Seconds" in sixty seconds.
2. If the devil went to Hell, Chuck Norris would torture him.
3. When doctors check Chuck Norris for a hernia, the doctors cough.
4. Chuck Norris buried Jimmy Hoffa in a devastating whirlwind of roundhouse kicks. His body was never found.
5. Chuck Norris got mad one day and punched a wall. The effects of the punch caused the earthquake that delayed the 1989 world series.
6. Barry Bonds has taken steroids to cheat in baseball. Chuck Norris does not need to take steroids to cheat.
7. Chuck Norris is fredy Krueger's worst nightmare.
8. The devil went down to Georgia, but Chuck Norris was there. So the devil went to Texas where he became governor, and then President of the United States. So that Chuck Norris can't find him, the devil calls himself "W."
9. Chuck Norris snapped the arm of the McDonald's drive through person. He told him, "Yep, I've had my break today!"
10. Chuck Norris thought the movie "Dirty Dozen" was about the twelve ways he knows how to kill a man.
11. The people on the Kit Kat commercial were singing the song "Gimmie A Break," so Chuck Norris broke their legs... and stole their candy bars.